I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
