omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
