I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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