Don't make out with my wife yet
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
