I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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