apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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