Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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