I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
