I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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