i think i have herpe
just one?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
