There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
