Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize