So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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