Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
