people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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