My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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