Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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