i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
