things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize