imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize