He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
