Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
