Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
