They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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