be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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