you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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