It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
