doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
