Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Enjoy the penises
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
