I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
