Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
