she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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