____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
