I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
