I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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