From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
