It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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