Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize