Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
