New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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