its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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