My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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