I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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