In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your penis caused this!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
