Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
