Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
