I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize