No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
