Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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