Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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