You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
