Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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