3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
