Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize