Michael Bay diarrhea
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
