I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
