When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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