Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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