she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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