i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
