did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
