my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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