i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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