Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
