It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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