Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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