Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
