After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
