Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Houston, we have a squirter
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
