I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
