dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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