so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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