Already got asked if we're dating
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
that's an acceptable place to lick
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize