He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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