i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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