I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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