I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I faked an abortion last night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
