Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
