Only a mothe r could love this liver
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
