so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
