party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
