I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
