He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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