I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
