i think i have two assholes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
