We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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