I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
