i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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