omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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