Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
