So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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