You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
