i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
