how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
