guys are only as good as the porn they watch
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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