And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
