You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize