Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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