Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she smelled like a LAN party
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
