I'm going to rape someone's good day.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
