I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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